Sit this one out

So it's already an hour or so into the day and I already want to knock one of the other interns upside the head with an office chair. Maybe even one of those old fashioned heavy type-writers the secretaries use for mailing slips. Either way, I'm sure if I did any one of the partners would let me use their house in the Hamptons this weekend as a reward.

We got word this morning that later this afternoon a few of the partners will be organizing a competition for us interns. The prize? A weeks trip to Chicago with one of the partners to visit our satellite office and attend conferences. Typically I would grab at every chance to take a trip (trip = excused billable hours), but this particular trip involves going to Chicago with a partner from our Tax Division. If anybody knows anything about tax lawyers, they can be a little lacking on the side of conversation and overall social skills. Why would I want to spend a full week with somebody communicating with nothing but numbers, decimals, and the occasional stuttering sentence? No way, no how.

The competition? A scavenger hunt around the city. Gordon (who’s name is actually dorkier and more fitting), is the intern I want to smash in the head with a conference phone, and has made this scavanger hunt his life’s mission. Gordon competes with me every chance he gets. I don't compete. I don't care enough. I do just enough to keep people from bothering me and just enough to enjoy my summer. But in flying under the radar I've fucked up. Gordon and I are apparently neck-to-neck for the most intern-billed hours. Big mistake. I've entered so many bogus billable hours to cover up my slacking that I’ve apparently entered into the realm of "Super Intern." I’ve tried to cut down on the amount of hours I log, but it's apparently not enough. Gordon’s still out for blood and I’m still out to find a large enough object to have him tied to.

I have sat here at my desk this morning watching him pop in and out of every partner’s office trying to dig out hints and bother the ever living crap out of everybody. All the other interns, and myself, are just going about our business. I cannot stand a suck up, and Gordon embodies the term. Maybe a little sabotage is in order so that Gordon will get sent away to Chicago for the week. I’ll see how many of the other interns I can convince to conduct this little “scavenger hunt” down at one of the bars a few blocks down. And Chicago’s a little close; maybe I can convince one of the partners running the event to add a pro-bono trip to Cambodia or something. That sounds nice. Cambodia.

Either way, there's a Duane Reed across the street from the office. I'm sure I could get at least half the items for the scavanger hunt there. I might even pick up something nice for myself at the liquor store to celebrate Gordons possible infectious jungle desease.... Influenza? Yellow Fever? The possibilities are endless. I'm excited to see Gordon leave. I might actually do some work I'm so excited..... well, not that excited.