Mellons

So one of the secretaries offered me a piece of Melon this morning. I have been here for a little over a month now and we have never spoke. Why today of all days would she peer over my wall of solitude and offer me a piece of Melon. I say "Melon" instead of "fruit" because it invokes many different assumptions about the situation, who this lady is, and how god awfully awkward I felt. Seriously? Who goes up to somebody randomly and offers them a piece of Melon? Picture yourself sitting on the subway and a random person comes up to you with a Tupperware bowl filled with Melon and offers you a piece. That is how random, awkward, and strange this situation felt to me. I do not want a piece of your Melon. I do, however, have many requests.... Like put your damn phone on vibrate so that I don't have to hear that stupid ring of yours (Verizon Default Rock Music). Or how about the request that you stop leaving your little clock radio on while you go to lunch (that's me who unplugs it out of the wall and leaves it in the filing cabinet behind you... TAKE THE HINT). Or how about you stop pronouncing your lawyer's name wrong, you've only been working here a gazillion years longer than my 2 months, and I got it right on the first day. NO, I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR STUPID MELON!!!!!!!!!!!!